Two Realizations:

First realization:

So yesterday I was driving around town, stressing out about the normal things; how we are going to pay our car insurance, how we aren’t saving the money we need to be when we move out in October, how to keep bad influences out of Danika’s life, how am I going to find a car to buy, how I am constantly forgetting to water my garden, how my house gets so messy so quickly after it is spotless, wanting to get into shape, not having enough time to get anything done, etc… In the background was a song playing on Klove, I don’t know what the song was or even any of the rest of the words, but one line was something like “God is bigger”. I have heard this song a million times, but that was the first time I wrapped my brain around it. People throw around that phrase all the time and of course I answer, “Of course he is!”, not even realizing how I actually didn’t believe that. I mean, of course I know that, but being the controller that I am, how could I believe that someone else could do something better than me? You know that saying, “If you want something done right, do it yourself”. I am a firm believer in that phrase! haha… Anyways, I think yesterday I actually believed for the first time in a long time that God does know what is best for me, and will not let me go. Yes, he does allow some things to not work out the way I want them to, sometimes bills go unpaid, but he is in control. As long as I am tithing consistently, and doing my part to live a christian lifestyle (not just pretending to), and worshiping and trusting in him, I’m going to be OK.

So today, I am due to pay a ticket I got last month for running a (barely) red light. The ticket was $292 and I thought for sure I was going to be able to get it reduced. I go in there, three kids in tow (babysitting a friend’s daughter as well), and try to get it reduced. Well since almost 3 years ago I got a ticket, they would not reduce the ticket, nor let me take a driver’s education class so that my insurance wouldn’t go up. I almost started crying right there to the super nice lady that was helping me. I felt defeated and discouraged. What I forgot to mention was I had $900 saved out of $1,500 I need to get a lens. After having to pay that ticket, paying our car insurance, some groceries, and a few other things, I’m down to maybe a little over $100! I came home, cried a little bit, and asked my mom to pray for me. Then I remembered yesterday. God is in control, he is bigger then money, he is bigger then my plans, and if he wanted me to have that lens by now, then I would have it. I’m not saying I’m going to sit on my butt and do nothing and expect it to land in my lap. I am going to start all over, start saving again, and I will not give up.

Second realization:

Last night I took Danika to swim lessons and while she was swimming I made small talk with a girl I hadn’t seen before nannying some little kids in the same class that are usually there with their mother. As we talked she told me that the mom of these kids has it tough. The husband works out of town 90% of the time and she is home with the kids with no help, until just recently when she hired the nanny. The woman’s kids are always dressed really well, she has designer bags, she drives a nice and expensive car, she can afford to hire a nanny, she seems to have it made. I used to think, some day I will have those nice things like her, and I was a little envious of all her luxuries. When the nanny told me how often her husband is gone, it made me sad for her. Thus my second realization, I would rather be broke then not have my husband home every night. I don’t live a life of luxury, nor the piece of mind knowing all my bills are being paid on time or sometimes even at all, but I get to spend almost every afternoon with the man of my dreams.

I love my husband, I’m not always the nicest, or the most patient, I might be the only person who could put up with his unending procrastination, but I’m so glad to have him. I am so thankful that when the kids are acting up and I need a break, he will be home around 5 to let me off the hook. I am so grateful that he works extremely hard, day after day, to take care of the needs of our family, almost always without complaint. He sometimes doesn’t learn the first time, or the second, or even sometimes the twelfth, but his most admiral quality in my opinion, is that he doesn’t stop trying to be the best. He has a good heart and he loves me so much. He protects me, loves me through my mood swings, and kisses me every morning before he leaves for work, even if we are fighting. I love my husband and I am so thankful he loves me!

Honeymoon :)

Love you handsome!

PS Did I mention he hates the internet if it doesn’t involve sports and unless I point this out to him he will never read it? That’s OK, I’ll just tell him how much I love him when he gets home!

2 Responses to “Two Realizations:”
  1. Sheila Gunderson says:

    We’ll I read it and I agree.. You married a very special young man and we love him like a son! And he makes beautiful babies!!! When are you having your 3rd???

  2. Sarah Fay says:


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